Finding out that someone you know has pancreatic cancer can be devastating. It can be scary and you may worry about what the future holds. You may also find it hard to believe or take in the news. You may feel like this for some time. Your feelings may also change over time.
“We couldn’t believe how a fit and healthy person could be diagnosed at stage 4.”
We are here for you, to offer support and practical information. We support partners, family members, friends and anyone who might be affected by a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.
You might feel like you need to put on a brave face and be positive for the person with cancer, Or you may be trying to stay positive for the sake of children or other family and friends. In reality, caring for someone can be exhausting, stressful and can feel isolating.
Everyone is different, but some common experiences include:
It’s important that you take some time for yourself. It’s easy for your own needs to get pushed to the bottom of the list. Especially if you are dealing with other things too, like looking after children or working. But research has found that if you take time to take care of yourself, you may find it easier to care for the person with cancer. It can also help you cope.
Speak to our specialist nurses on our free Support Line with any questions or worries, and to get support when you need it. They are experts in pancreatic cancer and support families and friends, like you.
“I was given advice to help care for my mum better and deal with my own feelings. I felt like I had a place to go to vent, to cry, to laugh, and to really digest what was happening. I always left the call ready to take on what was next with amazing advice.”
It is normal to feel sad, worried, angry or down if someone you care about has pancreatic cancer. But sometimes caring for someone with cancer can lead to anxiety and depression.
If you feel that you are struggling, speak to your GP about what support you can get. Your loved one’s medical team may also be able to help you find support. And remember that you can contact our specialist nurses on our Support Line at any time. They can talk and listen for as long as you need. They can provide practical, honest information, explaining the next steps and giving you confidence to support your family member.
Some carers may also develop ‘burnout’. Burnout is exhaustion from being physically and mentally stressed for a long time. Getting emotional and practical support can help with avoiding burnout. And we have more information and tips to help you look after your mental wellbeing.
“Even if you are surrounded by people, you’re still very much isolated from what’s normal”
It can be hard to tell people that someone close to you has pancreatic cancer. These can be difficult conversations, but this may also help you to get support from people close to you.
“If my sisters and I had known how bad things really were, we would have travelled much more than we did, to be with them.”
Talking about it with the person who has cancer can also be hard. There will be times when one or both of you is feeling upset or stressed and communication may be more difficult. Or they may not want to talk about the cancer at all. This is a natural reaction and may be a way of coping with it. Denial (not accepting what is happening) can also be a way of coping with bad news. It can be hard for you if your family member is in denial or does not want to talk about their cancer. It can help to get support. We have some tips for when a person doesn’t want to talk. You can also speak to our specialist nurses on the Support Line for tips and support.
If they do want to talk, make time and space for conversations, so there are chances to talk about how you are both feeling. Try to have an open conversation about what support they might need from you. This can help to avoid confusion or disagreements later on. It can also help you make plans.
If you have young children or teenagers in the family, you may worry about how to talk to them and how much you should tell them. For most children and teenagers, it’s best to be honest and explain what’s going on. We have more information and a list of organisations that can help.
If your partner has pancreatic cancer, it can affect your physical relationship. This is common for people dealing with cancer. Changes in physical intimacy can have an emotional impact, too. Try to discuss things openly with them. You may find you are experiencing similar emotions.
We have more detailed information on communicating with your loved one. Or you can contact our nurses for tips and support.
If your loved one has advanced cancer, you might experience anticipatory grief. This is where you start to grieve for the loss of the person you love before they die.
This is very difficult, but many people react this way when someone they love has cancer.
The organisation Cruse have more information about getting help for anticipatory grief. You may be able to get support for you and your family from your local hospice or organisations such as Maggie’s. Hospices are not just for end of life care. Many offer support for families before this stage. This can help you and your family prepare for loss and for what the future might hold.
Find out more about coping with grief, and sources of support.
Taking time to look after yourself is important. Some people feel guilty about this, but it may help you cope better with caring for your family member.
How you do this will be different for everybody. Find a balance that works for you. These tips have come from other people caring for someone with pancreatic cancer.
“I only allowed myself to get emotional in the shower. I saw that as my place to break down.” Emma
“I needed to be there for her and I needed to be strong. So actually, listening to my body and resting was very important.” Debbie
“I found other people’s stories, which I took a lot of comfort in.” Tiffany
“It was comforting to listen to others and their views and thoughts and emotions and how they feel.” Kika
“Online support was really helpful. Groups and forums helped me understand what others had gone through and gave me a sense I wasn’t alone.”
Our short leaflet has key facts and tips to help you deal with the emotional impact of caring for someone with pancreatic cancer, and get support. You can download it here, or order a printed copy.
Email us at publications@pancreaticcancer.org.uk for a list of sources used to write this information.
We would like to thank the following people who reviewed our information on emotional support for families.
Updated January 2025
Review date January 2028
