Information for families at the end of life

Looking after someone who is nearing the end of their life can feel overwhelming. Knowing where to get help and information can take some of the pressure off and can help you make the most of the time you have left with your loved one.

Support for you

It’s normal to feel a range of emotions if you’re told that your family member is nearing the end of their life. You may take comfort from being able to care for them. Or you may be struggling to come to terms with this new situation. You may not live with your family member, or you may be juggling their care with other responsibilities, such as work or children. You may find counselling helpful or speaking to your own GP about how you are feeling.

You may want lots of information about what is happening, or you may just be focusing on caring for them. Asking the doctors and nurses what to expect can help you to feel more in control. You can speak to the healthcare team without your family member being there, if they have given their permission.

If you feel you need a break, you may be able to get temporary care for your family member. This may help you to cope better. Temporary care may be somebody coming in to sit with them for a few hours, day care in a hospice, or a stay in a hospice or a care home. You may hear this called respite care. Speak to your GP or the district nurse about this care.

Carers UK and Carers Trust both provide information and support for carers.

Caring for your loved one

The demands on you can increase quite quickly in the last few weeks or days, especially if you are looking after someone at home. You may need to do more and more for them, including washing and personal care, giving medicines, making sure they are comfortable and helping them with eating and drinking. Read more information about getting medical and practical support when you are caring for someone at home.

Ask friends or family to help with things such as the shopping, cooking or looking after children so you have less to worry about. Marie Curie have more information and tips on helping you plan your time and feel more in control.

Ask the doctor or nurse for details of who to call if you need help or advice, including at night or at weekends. Keep these somewhere you can get to them quickly.

Carers UK has information on getting care and support. This includes information on planning emergency care, in case you are not able to care for your family member for any reason.

Spending time together

The person you are caring for may want relatives, children or pets to be with them in the last weeks of their life. This can be comforting for everyone. If your family member is staying in a hospital or hospice, you can ask whether relatives can stay overnight and if pets are allowed to visit.

If your family member would like some time alone with their partner, they could ask their nurses if this is possible, especially if they are in a hospice or hospital. Many people want time to be close and intimate in private and the healthcare team will do all they can to help.

There may be things you’d like to say to your family member while they are still well enough. You might want to talk about their hopes and wishes, or share memories. You may want to talk about practical things like financial issues, their will, or what they want to happen after they die. Read more information on making plans.

You may just want some quiet time together to say goodbye. Sometimes, people can put things off or feel that it’s too late to start these conversations. But it can be helpful and reassuring for everyone to talk about these things early on. Read information on talking about dying.

Published April 2021

Review date April 2023